Mental Illness

Bipolar disorder is 40 Jobs in 23 Years

Photo by Ruslan Burlaka: https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-and-gray-photo-of-person-in-front-of-computer-monitor-140945/

I have held 40 jobs in the past 23 years.

I am told this is not unusual for someone struggling with a mental illness like bipolar disorder. According to research, people who experience depression and cognitive dysfunction associated with bipolar disorder are more likely to have low job satisfaction, problems with being absent, and lower quality of work. Bipolar disorder and associated cognitive problems are linked to instability in employment.

Job Background:

I’m 38 years old. I got my first job in 2000; I was 16 years old. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2017. So, doing the math, I was undiagnosed for roughly 18 of those years. Believe it or not, I have only been fired once, and it was after my diagnosis.

During that time, I had many ideas about what I wanted to be and do for a career. Some were grandiose delusions, while others were feasible dreams if I could only keep myself together. But that is the hardest part, keeping it together.

“Bipolar disorder is a psychiatric condition characterized by instability of mood — cycling episodes of mania, hypomania, and depression — that results in impaired “work and social functioning” — American Psychiatric Association

40 Jobs

I wish that I had an answer for all the job-hopping. It is embarrassing to see it written out. I have had some great, interesting, and terrible jobs. Each job held its challenges. The best way to explain it is to look at the list and share some of my struggles. The list is in no particular order, and some names have been changed for privacy’s sake.

1. Waitress at Pizza Hut — This was my first job at 16. I got in more trouble than I care to mention but only got caught for some of it. My mother made me quit this job. It was the right decision.
2. DSL Support at SBC Global — I thought tech support was more fun if you showed up drunk. I don’t know how I kept this job.
3. Student Athletic Trainer at College — I thought that I wanted to be a physical therapist because I went through so much as a kid. I have bad knees and spent time in physical therapy. What I learned was that people were gross. I don’t like touching sweaty, stinky athletes. I also don’t like dislocated bones.
4. Lifeguard at a Small Public Pool — We had a slide, a floating alligator that never stayed attached, and only 5 feet of water. I saved more kids than I care to count from less than 3 feet of that water.
5. Lifeguard Large Public Pool — I quit lifeguarding after saving a very obese woman from the pool's deep end. She was drunk and decided that she could suddenly swim. I was not and am still not a strong swimmer. I think we both almost drowned that day. I walked out after and never returned.
6. Stall Mucker for a Dairy Farm — I enjoyed this job. It was nasty, and I always smelled, but it wasn’t a bad job. It was too bad that I suddenly decided to move.
7. Collections Agent at Cingular Wireless — This was a terrible job. I was responsible for calling people after Hurricane Katrina and asking for money. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I quickly found another job.
8. Salesperson for Cutco Cutlery — This is a pyramid scheme with really great knives. Don’t go there, but do buy them.
9. Call Center Employee for OfficeMax — I almost got fired from here, but I quit before they had the chance. I was hanging up on customers.
10. Call Center Employee for Military Bank — I quit and flew off to England.
11. Call Center Employee for Boise Cascade — Paper is boring and call centers are hotbeds for trouble.
12. Salesperson for Hibbett Sports — The boss kept calling me a dyke behind my back. I cursed him and quit.
13. Item Counter for Regis — I don’t remember why I even started this job. I lasted a few days.
14. Sales Agent for Sprint — I only lasted a week.
15. Student Worker in the Textbook Store at University — I dislocated my arm working here, but they didn’t care. So I tried other things to get by.
16. Textbook Buyer — This is a frustrating, low-paying job that I kept for one semester.
17. Tour Guide in a Cavern — I messed up a lot here. I brought a dog to work and made up some of the tour information to make it sound cooler. The company was not a good fit for me after that.
18. Salesperson for Sports Advertisements — This lasted a semester only.
19. Salesperson for RadioShack inside a Sams — My boss was aggressive, and I cried a lot. This was a very depressing time for me. It didn’t work out.
20. A dispatcher for Ambulance Service — I worked 48-hour shifts on the weekends. I was wired all weekend on coffee and things I won’t mention. Luckily I got kicked out of the apartment I was staying in, so I had to move and find a new job.
21. Trainer and Specialist at Apple Retail — I think this is one of my better jobs, but I left it for greener pastures.
22. Archaeologist — I got attacked by a rattlesnake and a wild hog. Then the company that employed me when bankrupt.
23. Technology Instructor at Public Library — This is one of the most frustrating jobs ever. My boss was a master manipulator who destroyed my self-confidence and left nothing. The worst part is that no one cared about me or their jobs. I wanted so badly for this to be a good fit. I wanted to help people.
24. Office Staff at Local Marina — I’m awful at telling people where to park a boat. I like to think I’m educated, but this job took skills that I simply do not possess.
25. Program Assistant and Tour Guide at a Fossil Museum — I had a blast here but had trouble with attendance. I drank too much and did not know I had a great opportunity.
26. Public Safety Dispatcher at a University — I learned how that ex-cops are mean…so very mean.
27. Executive Assistant for a Physical Plant at a University — This was another great job I left to pursue a degree I wouldn’t use.
28. Hostess and Cigar Saleswoman at a visitor center — I never showed up sober.
29. Hostess at O’Charleys — Nascar fans and too much beer…I hated this job.
30. Office Assistant for an Audiologist — I didn’t have the money to buy the clothes he wanted me to wear. So he bought me clothes, and I got weirded out and stopped showing up. He was just nice.
31. Book Seller for Books-a-million — I lasted one day because they asked me to clean poop off the walls. I thought I was too good to do that.
32. Freelance Writer for Tire Website and a Penis Enlargement Website — I wrote many of these articles.
33. Kitchen Staff at Fazolis — I fell and hurt myself here. They didn’t need me after that. It was a good job, and I loved the food.
34. Delivered Newspapers — Delivering papers in the countryside at 3 am is frightening when you have a small bladder and no bathroom.
35. Operations Assistant at a Coding School — I got fired from here. It’s a long story, but they went under, and I was first to go, but not before they made me believe I was safe.
36. Scraped Pillboxes at a Senior Living Pharmacy — I cut myself pretty bad, and they suggested I leave. So I did.
37. Self-Employed Technology Trainer. — I did this for a while, but it has slacked off to me just helping my two remaining clients when they need it. They call, and I walk them through the trouble.
38. Online K-12 School — I took calls from teachers trying to set up their classrooms online. I had a lot of trouble with attendance.
39. Blackboard.com — I did tech support here and didn’t manage to get along with my team. My attendance was hit or miss.
40. Writer — I write under a pen name to keep myself in check. I’m working on a book/novel. Plus, I write here on Medium. I do writing prompts on https://spencerharlowe.tumblr.com/. And I spend too much time on Twitter.

Seeing it all written out, I’m still uneasy about it. I have never sought out this information, but when I started shredding old documents today, I started counting. The number multiplied. Had I looked back sooner, could I have seen how my disorder affected me?

The answer is that I’m not sure it would have helped. I could dwell on the past, and wallow in it, but it won’t change where I am now. In the past few years, I have taken big steps in my education and personal life. I feel like I am taking a big step in being able to recognize this now. I could not have done this a couple of years ago, maybe not even a few months ago.

Having an honest discussion about your abilities and priorities as a person with bipolar disorder is vital. Spend the time in therapy, take the right medication for you, and build a support network for those tougher than usual days. As you focus on stabilizing, your chances of enjoying your life and holding down a good job improve dramatically.

Don’t count how many times you’ve done something wrong. Count how many times you’ve done something right. — Me

References:

• American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
• Gilbert, E., & Marwaha, S. (2013). Predictors of employment in bipolar disorder: A systematic review. Journal of Affective Disorders, 145(2), 156–164. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2012.07.009
• Marwaha, S., Durrani, A., & Singh, S. (2013). Employment outcomes in people with bipolar disorder: A systematic review. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 128(3), 179–193. https://doi.org/10.1111/acps.12087
• O’Donnell, L. A. (2017). An investigation on predictors of occupational functioning in individuals with bipolar disorder (Doctoral dissertation). Retrieved from https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/120711/lao_1.pdf?sequenc e=1&isAllowed=y