Mental Health

Change

Andy Warhol said, “When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can’t make them change if they don’t want to, just like when they do want to, you can’t stop them.”

How I Am Handling Change.

I hate change. I hate how it makes me feel and my reaction to something that I know is necessary for personal growth. Sometimes it is beyond my control, but most of the time, I’m the one making the decisions.

I am experiencing one of the most significant changes in my life. It's a very personal journey, and I don't want to spill it completely as much as I would love to share it all. Know it is incredibly overwhelming, and the weight of it tears me down. I have been distraught, and sure I’d never find a way out. I’ve wallowed for months. That’s when I accidentally did a smart thing. I spoke with some people close to me about my feelings. I fell apart like a blubbery mess when I spoke, but the other sounded more respectable.

Everyone was supportive and told me to hang in there. They hugged me and are still sources of sustained support, but one person asked me something strange. She asked me, “How do you eat an elephant?” I was a little confused, but she proceeded with a smile. I said I didn’t know, and her answer was, “One bite at a time.” I laughed, but she continued by telling me that all the questions swirling around my brain were just one piece of the elephant and that I couldn’t chew on them all. She said I needed to accomplish one thing at a time, organizing by what was most imperative. It was sound advice, and it made me readjust my priorities.

Advice for Handling Change

• Acknowledge that change is always happening. Nothing stays the same forever.
• Feel your emotions about change.
• Focus on the now and stay away from lamenting about the past.
• Be honest with yourself and your process.
• Be fair to yourself and those around you.
• Remember that there are people who have degrees in change management. It takes work, sometimes years. So, hang in there.

Unhelpful Responses to Those Resistant to Change

• Don’t take it personally.
• Don’t get defensive.
• Don’t make the fundamental attribution error. In other words, don’t assume that a person’s actions depend on the “kind” of a person without considering the social and environmental forces that influence them.
• Don’t focus on making the resistance stop.

The resistant behavior is not the real problem. The real problem is the underlying situation that caused resistance. Consider, for a moment, that this might be a significant disruption to their routine, that they’re confused about the next steps, or that they’re upset about decisions made about them without their consent. When people resist change, there is always more to it. Understanding the experience through their eyes will give you the steps to help them through it. So if you want to influence people to change, treat resistance as something to uncover and not overcome.